Now there’s that thing called dad issues. My dad was never there,my dad abandoned me, my dad never really loved me. There’s nothing like a law punishment because your dad never loved you, it’s always because he maybe neglected buying you food, providing a home. And I doubt these issues ever go to court. I guess that’s why my dad threatened to bring me to a village school, government didn’t dictate that I had to go to some of the best schools in the country, my dad did that because he loves me.

I’m in a nuclear family, if my dad has a second wife, I have never ever heard of her, if he’s ever cheated, I have never known. My parents are wedded in Church, and they stay together, if they have ever even considered divorce, I have never heard of it, that’s why it so odd that I would even have daddy Issues.

Most of my friends have dealt with those issues, one of my friends didn’t even know who her real dad was until recently when she had made eighteen and was joining University, and another’s dad, denied she was his daughter when she was born,for another he has a different wife and family and never even contributes to her school fees nor does he seem to care, two of them are in that situation. For another still , her dad has two wives but she has assured me she loves him and he does his due, pays her tuition and she’s okay with that, she clearly has no daddy Issues and I can’t say otherwise because that’s what we Ugandans are taught, to appreciate that we are given meals, invested in alot more than we deserve with the tuition, stay out of parental drama like divorce , in short no daddy Issues as long as your dad already gives you so much, not many people get that.

My last example, my friend’s story is the reason it’s pathetic, childish, ungrateful of me and quite unacceptable that I would have daddy Issues. See, I love my dad, but we are so different now, there’s alot of mean stuff I have done that he’s having a hard time forgiving me for like when I foolishly told him he wasn’t giving us all we deserved when clearly he was doing everything he can and giving us so much, that was so naive and ungrateful of me only because I wanted something my dad could honestly not afford. Then the time I frankly told him worshipping the famous Roman Catholic idol, Mother Mary was wrong and I was leaving the Roman Catholic Church. And many other things in between that I probably don’t remember. Then the crown jewel, my refusal to kneel down while greeting because I hate it and it’s pathetic that in my tribe, men don’t do it. And then conversation just kinda completely stopped except for when my dad sits us down in a family meeting where he advises us, points out my mistakes , falsely accuses me abit which now that I look back at is manipulation to speak that never actually works, he thinks he is telling the truth , but he doesn’t know so much about me these days so he is left to assume while I keep the African tradition of silence while elders speak and impatiently wait to leave.

Point is, it’s true, the people we love the most, hurt us the most. And like Jentezen Franklin says in his novel, we need to love like we have never been hurt but that’s hard. I have hurt my dad, he has hurt me. And I’m afraid of talking to him because I fear he will misunderstand me and hurt me even more, I don’t know how to love like I have never been hurt. And I bet if my dad read this he would even be hurt more because he has done so so much for me , given so so much and loved me so much. But I guess that’s the sad thing about men, if we were dogs atleast ,we would be content to sit at our master’s feet , but God created us and we do nothing but reject the one who has given everything, We reject God,our Sustainer . Why then are people so shocked when others do it to them too ?

I’m the first born of four kids. EMILLY, ERATO, ELLEN AND ELIJAH. I have chosen our E names because they match, but we have three names and this is how our last names go, SUZAN, BRIDGET, BENARDETE, BENARD. My name kinda doesn’t rhyme. Back to the point, being first born, I’m not always the closest to my mum. My mum has to be loyal to us all yet never equally at any one time, I bet after my sister was born,my mum’s focus was less on me and more on her, I could only win approval from my mum by working hard, mopping, sweeping, washing, cooking, taking care of my sister etc , through those I kept her love maybe. But for my dad, it was always different,he was never the one breastfeeding so he had more luck in trying to love us all equally. He watched cartoons with us, left football just to watch sillier stuff, because we had begged, I remember watching “Mulan” with him which none of my siblings remember. I was so proud to be his child. I told him all about my school, teachers , friends etc, everything I guess and I loved it when he introduced us to his friends, always me first, well until my adorable brother was born and then it became his Son first though I don’t think I have been so jealous of that. I can’t ride a bicycle because though my dad tried to teach me, he didn’t have alot of time to waste on that, he is a busy man. But now that I’m old enough, I’m nolonger protected from anger, bitterness, yelling, I have to deal with it on my own, which is also one of the things that changes.

Things change as time goes by. Now that I’m soon making twenty, my dad doesn’t expect to spend quality time with me by watching silly cartoons and laughing about those. He expects me to be grown up. Yet, I don’t think he should spend time knowing about the Course I’m doing, Law, which I think was his dream course , a dream that never came to pass, just so we can still have something to talk about, I prefer that that’s left to my peers . But honestly, now that there are consequences for my words, that if I happen to mention missing a lecture at campus because I overslept, the conversation will turn sour with advice and judgment, which wouldn’t happen when I was a kid, I have had sour conversations in high school before , I rather prefer not to talk about my school with my Father. Which means the stuff we might talk about are the silly cartoons because I don’t watch news and even if I did, I wouldn’t be interested in politics. Our religions are different,so is work, or studies for me, so are our friends, I hardly know the people in my area, we never spend time together because my dad is always busy and I’m always watching tv, so why does the fact that we never talk even matter. I guess I’m the most troublesome kid my dad has, the one who isn’t content with just listening to his advise like all the others. But whenever my dad is calling me the worst of his kids in family meetings, I’m alarmed, I feel as though he knows nothing about his other kids.

Point is, family is the place where the people who love you the most and the people you love the most are. And you would think it would be easy to forgive the person you love the most , to offer love to the person you love most but that’s the person we actually forgive last because we are hurt more I guess. Family are the people who kinda will never leave you mostly because they are stuck with you, I guess that’s why it hurts most when they leave. But family is the place where you will be hurt the most and have the deepest wounds. That’s why family is the place where you can learn how to love people, how to forgive 77 times 7 times because it’s the one and only place you might have to forgive that many times, the place where you can learn patience, kindness, humility . The place where you learn to love impossible people and learn to love like you have never been hurt. I wonder whether our family in Christ serves a similar purpose !