My walk with Christ.

God’s place.

God has taught me alot about the value of friends over the years and I’m so grateful for them. It always feels good to have someone to talk to and I talk alot. Recently I joined a Whatsapp group of my old primary friends, actually it was more like I rejoined after I had left. And yesterday when someone asked how people who obsess alot over God do it,I sayed they did it the same way lovers of football do it. But soon it turned into a theological debate or argument and some people were pretty mad, one guy in particular asked that we don’t talk about God and when I asked when that became a rule, he said it may not be but I over do it, I cross the line. Apparently I was trying not to say so much that some people would get confused but guess what, I was still over doing it,that was shocking.

Anyway, I wasn’t as mad about my friends, I was mad at God, I told him he was getting too involved in my life and ruining my friendships. I told God I needed to have a place of my own with them, have my own glory, and I felt like when I talked of God’s holiness and greatness, I was doing God a favour,and when I spoke of his providence, I was being a fool.

And God set things straight this morning. I listened to a gospel song that said We speak because of your Grace to us. So, even the simple gift of speech in our lives is undeserved. And I knew the place of my group members and friends. God is my sustainer, my redeemer,my provider ,my keeper, not any one of them. Having them as friends only mattered as long as God took his place. It’s grace that lets me speak and I had committed the sin or error of thinking my praise of God is a favour to Him, how pathetic. Glory not in worldly things because that glory is so short and so worthless, only in the Glory of God do we live and breathe. Even breath is a mercy from God,how had I forgotten that in a short while. God can interfere in our conversations as he pleases because everything that is should give glory to God or cease to be. And a time is coming when that Heavenly Command will be passed. Lets be friendly and tell the world about it.

Gold or the temple.

You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? St. Matthew 23:17

That verse is amazing. Because it was never about the temple. But always about the gold. People usually don’t bow down to clay idols, the temple was more honored because it contained the country’s treasures. So the gold made the temple sacred.

I guess we need to learn once again that it’s the temple that makes the gold sacred and keep God first while we set out on ventures of building our places of worship because we don’t ever want it said that we chose to worship in a Church because the building looked amazing.

And since we are temples of God, I guess we ought to know that it’s the Holy Spirit we ought to worship and not the gold we accumulate,the gold is only worthy because the Temple is worthy .

Pinterest (sadly I have never been able to understand this)

There’s so much to learn from that verse and I cannot exhaust it. Let’s stay blessed 🙏.

Shame but for what ?

That’s a picture of me as a little girl, I keep wondering why that toothpaste wrapper was there😂😂😂

When I was growing up,in my nursery school which was in my village, I thought I was better than them so I couldn’t fit in with them. I thought me higher. Issue was probably my fancier clothing moreso those we loved to show off in Church and probably the fact that it was my village,I had sandles and not very many people did so I was too good to hung out with them. I remember one particular memory of girls and boys playing, laughing, running after butterflies, red flowers in the air, and me , probably four yrs old then just thinking,maybe me being better than them is not such a good thing like I thought. For a minute all I wanted to do was go out and play , not claim I was too good for them. I wanted to get rid of my slippers or pretty black shoes,those boots were pretty, but I wanted to just fit in yet in my memory,I don’t remember kids without shoes even,just me, all by myself, thinking am too good for the others.

But then, I left for my primary school. Now while in boarding,you know we are given uniforms which for a second made it look like we are the same. But well,we carry different cases, mattress sizes, snacks,and buy different shoes. And some people can afford new uniforms,others can’t. In my first classes,I would have tins of powdered milk, sugar, bread, daddies etc. That made it easy for me to fit in with some of my friends. But soon,my siblings joined me and I think with the high school fees and other stuff, my parents could nolonger buy me powdered milk and some other stuff. I could only carry gnuts, hard cones and daddies if I got lucky. I think then I thought the kids who carried biscuits were better than me and I was ashamed I couldn’t afford them. I’m actually just trying to trace why I thought the other kids better than me and like always,tried to shut them out. One particular event is vivid,there was a school function and my dad whom I least expected showed up,I was so excited,the other kids said he had carried plenty of snacks for me, listing a few even and my excitement grew, but when I finally went to meet my dad, I discovered he had only brought me a few yellow bananas maybe,the big bags were due to the fact that he was from a Seminar that had taken place for two weeks and though tired,he had fixed a little time to pass by which was so beautiful,but I was ashamed, remembering that makes me so ashamed of myself , ashamed of my shame because honestly all I wanted was for my dad to show up and nothing more so being ashamed because if the other kids asked me I would have to tell them there were no plenty of snacks was pretty much madness. But yes, I thought the other kids were better than me in a way,I gave much value to things that didn’t matter. And being one of the best students in class and always being admired for that didn’t bridge the gap. I would feel like a king when I knew all the answers to the math work and three quarters of the rest of the students didn’t know,then feel like a beggar the minute break arrived and I had no snacks but only the sugarless hot porridge and mad at myself when my friends pinched for me abit of their buns when the only reason I was sitting with them was to listen to home stories about the movies and love series they were watching. I was a hungry girl who most definitely had her arrogant pride always besides her. Them always having snacks from home while I was in boarding and with no snacks always made me feel out of place.I wonder why I didn’t then just hang out with boarding kids like me, three quarters of the class was in boarding and some as broke as I was. I sure always knew how to hung with the crowd I couldn’t fit in with. For example,instead of the best students like me in class,most of the time I spent time with the worst performers, they were amazing friends but I think I had peculiar motives, selfish ones of wanting to always feel better than them.

But the confusion continued,at home I thought I was better than every body else so I never made any real friends in my village, at school I didn’t know what to think, probably that all the others were better than me because they had biscuits and were better than me at sports so I avoided them or never made real friends,I lied about my tribe and village alittle bit. The first lie I told was that we had a television set when we didn’t and lucky for me like one year later , one was brought home, then I couldn’t believe I had no access to the telenovelas my friends watched , while they watched ‘ Shree ‘, I watched maybe ‘Brave Woman’, it always felt like a matter of time before they told me I wasn’t like them and I was a hypocrite. I mean,not everyone was watching Shree, so why did I feel ugly because I wasn’t.

I was ashamed that while most of the children’s parents drove cars, mine had to sometimes just rent a motorcycle to come pick me up or bring me to school. I mean I remember squeezing in between suitcases and mattresses besides my sister on a motorcycle. They aren’t bad memories at all, I enjoyed it , talking to my dad was always fun but as always,I was ashamed. The time my boarding uniform had a hole and I had to walk around while holding it,I thought I was such a wretched kid, and yes,it didn’t have much to do with me or guilt but I was ashamed of myself, my classmates had the good sense of not laughing at me and not noticing me but still, I was ashamed . I had this odd illness that doctors had no name for, but I had to swallow big tablets and receive injections till like primary four, that illness always left me with blisters,wounds on my tiny legs, it must have started in primary one, that led to me feeling more out of place even though the other kids never ever isolated me because of my wounds.

You see I was just for the first time realising I wasn’t the President’s daughter and no matter how crazy that may sound,it may be true, I mean I once thought my dad owned the school when I was five yrs old or maybe six, and I loved my dad so much but I felt sad he wasn’t the President of the World. This may sound like a joke, but once when a teacher hit me on my head, I told her she would be in a whole lot of trouble with my dad, I don’t remember the exact words she used but she must have asked, “Who do you think your dad is! ” Any way the game went on, see poverty wasn’t the issue if you can even call it that, the issue was always something else . Why does one have to feel ashamed because though they can afford shoes,they can’t afford one particular type? Or feel ashamed because they can’t afford to buy a car? WHY ?

Isn’t that what our parents call us to though ? They don’t say it’s enough that you have food on your table or are in peace with your family,they say, wait,you will buy a car some day too, a car that you probably don’t even need ? Our parents educate us so we can join the rat race I assume,so we can race after the most luxurious houses and cars, and other stuff.

I have grown up trapped in a rat race,a money war. You are probably imagining me trapped in a room with a hundred people, twenty of whom are very rich and can afford whatever they want but it wasn’t like that, it was more like me trapped in a room with a hundred people who just like me, can’t afford whatever they want, but we all feel ashamed of not having screen sets at home. It has always been about money, like my worth is defined by what material can I afford to buy, being broke has always felt criminal. You know one time in high school my friend asked me why I was just as broke or penniless as she was when I clearly didn’t spend as much, I asked her how much pocket money she was given at the beginning of the term,then I discovered she was given shs 50,000 and I was given shs15,000 and maybe shs20,000 whenever I got so lucky. Somehow in the end the money was pretty much the same, but even on the visitation day, she got 40,000 and I got 15,000 so that ought to have solved the why I spent less and still ran out of it like she did when she spent alot. That money was pretty much enough for the term,I managed to always buy break so why did I still feel so ashamed of not having money ? The race after more materials or luxuries isn’t quite the same as the race for happiness so how did I get into it if I just wanted to be happy with the other kids? And believe me , it was easier to hung out with someone who maybe got 30,000 but was saving 10,000 for a present for her parents than it was to hung out with some who got I don’t know how much but spent 2,000 per day and wondered why you only spent shs 400. I mean I have felt so guilty for being penniless though I never worked to earn money at all,that’s just crazy.

You are probably Wondering why the self reflection. I am reading a novel entitled Unashamed by Christine Caine and I was just reflecting on my major moments of shame and how I suddenly got locked up in a prison of shame when it wasn’t even about misbehaviour sometimes. The above are a few examples of how the chains of shame were formed in one area of my life. Thanks for reading.

Sweet Revenge.

“As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live” (Ezekiel 33:11).

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:17, 19.

We want people to pay for what they have done to us. We might have been told to forgive but we have also learnt that when and if we forgive, we pay the price for the wrong done on the other’s behalf, A price is always paid. When someone hurts you, and instead of making sure that person gets equally hurt to pay for what they have done to you , you choose to forgive, you pay the price that person was meant to pay, you carry the burden yourself , sometimes it does feel like no price is paid but you have chosen to honor the other person instead of yourself. Let’s assume instead you were physically hurt and that person has to pay your hospital bill, forgiving means you will shoulder the price, pay your bill yourself. This is actually just a general Principle or law that God put on place.

But God says don’t take revenge, revenge is His to take. In a way, revenge does belong to God, partly because the grievance done to you was done before God, the Just One. And you ought to give mercy just like God has been merciful to you. But God doesn’t take pleasure in seeing the wicked doomed. I mean you have a sinful nature, even reconciled to God you could take pleasure in seeing another Fall moreso if you think that person deserves it. But God takes no pleasure even in seeing the wicked die , neither should you. Take a step closer to that, to being Holy like your father is Holy by trusting Him to deal with all things, by leaving Vengeance to Him alone. There are consequences to refusing to leave vengeance to God, you will lose that particular Trusting God battle to the devil, but utmost, you will spend time plotting evil on an enemy you should be blessing, that’s literally doing the devil’s job for him,you don’t want that. Leave vengeance to the One who takes No pleasure in seeing the Wicked Die. Trust His Plan and His Way that much. Revenge is the Lord’s.

Words✨

I was just listening to the song – Little Toy Guns by Carrie Underwood. I would so appreciate it if the song didn’t have that clear description of the pain words can cause, just listening to that lady and gentlemen who are just acting a scene out yell at each other breaks and hurts on the inside. And I’m not the little girl in the closet.

The Bible says alot about words. We were created in the image of God and when creating earth, all He said is let there Be , and there was, so in a way we know words must carry with them a power of their own. Words are one of the things we use to show people we love them , we talk to them, we sing to them, we compliment them,we praise them so in a way, words must also be a way in which we can show people we hate them,the negativity ain’t always hate,it could just be anger, or we are irritated for a moment, or jealous or hurting. So yes,just like words can uplift,they do tear, stain, hurt ,wound and they can break you on the inside.

So I guess there are times like in that song that I wish words were like a little toy gun but I know that would mean they also wouldn’t be like rain in the desert. Now words are alot of things,they can be kind, edifying, counseling,consoling, intelligent, foolish, meaningless lies, and they can be nothing,they can be accusing, destroying, tearing apart, putting down, hurting and many other things. But like Ecclesiastes does say,there’s time for everything,there’s time for people to know that if they don’t back up their kind words with actions ,they are not being kind and loving,and their actions should match up. But I want to talk about something else this time. Though I want to note that the theory doesn’t work with bad words, when your daughter fails and you tell her she’s a dull and stupid child and she won’t amount to anything, buying her ice cream after may not cure the pain I guess that’s why we love to say you can’t take back what you said. But it would make a difference if you apologized and honestly told her you didn’t mean it, but if it happened twice,words might not take away the wound or make much of a difference. Words have a place we can’t take away, when we ain’t talking alot of times, we are listening.

But words are also the means by which faith comes,it comes by hearing. Words can be a blessing to all people. Let the words you use be a blessing to people and a means of which you love your neighbor always. And if you haven’t,you should check out that song, Little Toy Guns. Thankyou for reading.

The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet tove the soul and healing to the bones.Proverbs 16:23-24

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Proverbs 17:27

The words of the mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream. Proverbs 18:4

Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips. Micah 7:5

And because of his words many more became believers. St. John 4:41

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you —they are full of the Spirit and life. St. John 6:63

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17

Money

I guess that’s true, if I had a truck load of money,I would get busy multiplying things, sofas ,houses, cars, king pools, and I would think I had it all. I definitely wouldn’t spend time Worshipping the Worthy One, I would spend lesser time on my Knees before God. I guess we still have so much more to learn from money.

Money is dangerous because it has such a power to deceive. It’s a good liar. Handling money is like handling a live wire that can electrocute you.
Living in the light. Money,Sex and Power. By John Piper

Few things lure us to exchange the glory of God more readily than money does. Liberty from the satisfaction of money’s presence comes from the superior satisfaction of God’s presence.
Living in the light. Money,Sex and Power. By John Piper

The place of women.

I was so ashamed of myself when during an argument,I failed to prove that women are not inferior to men, servants of men, below men (I don’t even know what that means,maybe it refers to rank) , and subjects only. I failed to biblically prove our standing even against the famous Genesis story.

But now that I look back, I don’t know why it mattered. If this is an equality game or war let’s take it to the Throne Room of Grace, before the Maker of all things and the Just Judge for Judgment.

🥀 and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood,and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father —to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen. Revelation 1:5-6

🥀 You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.” Revelation 5:10

🥀For the lips of a priest ought to preserve knowledge, because he is the messenger of the LORD Almighty and people seek instruction from his mouth. Malachi 2:7

I guess we women,who are also priests too according to Revelations right up there, sadly don’t preserve knowledge with our lips like Malachi says we ought to.

🥀 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

🥀 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body —whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 1 Corinthians 12:13

🌹But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3

So we are all baptized with one Spirit but then again women ought to remember that our head is man and not Christ, confusing.

🌹For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.1 Corinthians 11:8-9

🥀Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.
For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. 1 Corinthians 11: 11- 12

Now those two verses also puzzle me, I wanna see beyond and know there’s no contradiction but I don’t know how.

🥀But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. St. Luke 12:48

🌹Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.
If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. 1 Corinthians 14: 34- 35

So wait, women must be silent in Church, Are we also forbidden from telling pagan Men about Christ and the good news because they are men too? And wait, I thought we were nolonger sticking to the entire Old Law Paul, should we now also stone our sons to death after they disobey us because this is the old law, or isn’t it? So bad Paul ain’t here anymore, he left earth.

🥀I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing —if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.1 Timothy 2: 9 – 15

From a letter from Paul to Timothy which some of certainly do wish was never opened and read by us, being a private letter and not a letter to the Church 😂😂,but honestly, how much was said that we wouldn’t want people calling truth, ofcourse I don’t want to call a wise man like Paul ignorant and foolish and neither do I want to say the Scripture wasn’t Spirit inspired and God breathed. But there must a good reason why Scripture is not only Spirit breathed but also Spirit coded, only understood and learnt by the Spirit. Half of the Scripture above is so beautiful. But part of it complicated,the reasons given for why women ought to be silent are pathetic and when the man who said it’s better not to get married says women are saved through child bearing, he puzzles us. For me Christ definitely didn’t say we would be saved through child bearing, we are all saved through the Cross and all appointed disciples according to the Word, but then again I’m only a woman,one who hasn’t even made twenty yet.

🌹 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

🥀 Why should our father’s name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father’s relatives.” So Moses brought their case before the LORD,
and the LORD said to him,
“What Zelophehad’s daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father’s relatives and give their father’s inheritance to them.
“Say to the Israelites, ’If a man dies and leaves no son, give his inheritance to his daughter.Numbers 27:4-8.

🥀This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan.
No inheritance in Israel is to pass from one tribe to another, for every Israelite shall keep the tribal inheritance of their ancestors.Every daughter who inherits land in any Israelite tribe must marry someone in her father’s tribal clan, so that every Israelite will possess the inheritance of their ancestors.
No inheritance may pass from one tribe to another, for each Israelite tribe is to keep the land it inherits.” Numbers 36:6-9

Let us also give credit to the only noble female leaders in the history of Israel. A little math first, the ratio of female leaders to the males is one to a hundred.

Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time.
She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. Judges 4:4-5

That lady up there may not have been a warrior, but she was a judge and yes, she led men into war.

🥀Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women followed her, with timbrels and dancing.
Miriam sang to them: “Sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. Both horse and driver he has hurled into the sea.”Exodus 15:20-21

Miriam led women in song and praise, I think men and some women would gladly use this verse when advising women to only teach other women but they don’t.

Numbers 12:1 Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite.
Numbers 12:2 “Has the LORD spoken only through Moses?” they asked. “Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” And the LORD heard this.
Numbers 12:4 At once the LORD said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, “Come out to the tent of meeting, all three of you.” So the three of them went out.
Numbers 12:10 When the cloud lifted from above the tent, Miriam’s skin was leprous —it became as white as snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had a defiling skin disease,
Numbers 12:15 So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.

🥀 I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam. Micah 6:4

But yes, she got her honour as a leader too, even after the shaming punishment from her Heavenly Father.

That’s pretty much the only ladies I could think of.

I’m not trying to imply anything by all this blubbering actually, maybe the real folly of mine is me trying to claim that people should decide for themselves whether women should be silent or not. But again,I’m just a woman.

“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?”
They came out of the town and made their way toward him. St. John 4:29 – 30.

I guess that woman should never have preached to men or is what happened looked at differently.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3;16

I’m not exactly the woman who wants to be silent in Church. I want to be a teacher and yes, I hope to one time stand in Church and preach. But then again I don’t want to be a preacher probably because it feels like too much work and I’m not a leadership person. I like to think women shouldn’t be Church heads only because I don’t want to be One which is pretty much me following my feelings. But my feelings do tell me it’s okay to stand and preach in Church so if anyone thinks this is a demonic Passion and Desire and it’s just me being disobedient and Rebellious, I’m welcome to suggestions. But at the end of it all ,I will do what God wants me to do, not men,that’s the truth.

I’m ready to learn in silence because for me my greatest honor will always be being an elect and Chosen one of God. Being a daughter of the most High God. I ask to be certain because I want to know, where does the Voice of men end and the voice of God begin? What’s my place and role in the Church, the Bride of Christ of which I’m a part?

If anyone has answers to all these questions, you can help me out or share a link. I want to know what you think too or atleast whether I’m misinterpreting Scripture!

THERE ARE NO WASTED FIGHTS.

When it’s the lord who fights for you, you are always ready for any battle .

Advocate!the rights of women,
Ought to be protected.
A widow can’t lose her life. And dignity and be denied of her life’s labour , she has rights too and deserves respect.

Those hungry children on the sidewalks,
Heaven knows they deserve better,
Fight harder for them .

You wanna help the sick,
Be there for them ,
Love passionately,
Stick around and bless,
When no one is willing.

Cry for courage,
For women to know their worth,
Maybe there would be lesser pain,
If they didn’t sell themselves cheaply.

But what if nothing changes,
What if the pain goes on,
What if death leaves you hopeless,

Then my advise is ,

That you remember this world Has a Master, He sees all, He is just, He has a plan.
And most importantly ,
He is in control.

It may be true, that our kindness can go to waste, But if your fight is of faith and the Glory of God, The Sustainer of the Universe Won’t let it go to waste ever, And he is a Rewarder too.

“So I will come to put you on trial. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive the foreigners among you of justice, but do not fear me,” says the LORD Almighty. Malachi 3:5