Words✨

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I was just listening to the song – Little Toy Guns by Carrie Underwood. I would so appreciate it if the song didn’t have that clear description of the pain words can cause, just listening to that lady and gentlemen who are just acting a scene out yell at each other breaks and hurts on the inside. And I’m not the little girl in the closet.

The Bible says alot about words. We were created in the image of God and when creating earth, all He said is let there Be , and there was, so in a way we know words must carry with them a power of their own. Words are one of the things we use to show people we love them , we talk to them, we sing to them, we compliment them,we praise them so in a way, words must also be a way in which we can show people we hate them,the negativity ain’t always hate,it could just be anger, or we are irritated for a moment, or jealous or hurting. So yes,just like words can uplift,they do tear, stain, hurt ,wound and they can break you on the inside.

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So I guess there are times like in that song that I wish words were like a little toy gun but I know that would mean they also wouldn’t be like rain in the desert. Now words are alot of things,they can be kind, edifying, counseling,consoling, intelligent, foolish, meaningless lies, and they can be nothing,they can be accusing, destroying, tearing apart, putting down, hurting and many other things. But like Ecclesiastes does say,there’s time for everything,there’s time for people to know that if they don’t back up their kind words with actions ,they are not being kind and loving,and their actions should match up. But I want to talk about something else this time. Though I want to note that the theory doesn’t work with bad words, when your daughter fails and you tell her she’s a dull and stupid child and she won’t amount to anything, buying her ice cream after may not cure the pain I guess that’s why we love to say you can’t take back what you said. But it would make a difference if you apologized and honestly told her you didn’t mean it, but if it happened twice,words might not take away the wound or make much of a difference. Words have a place we can’t take away, when we ain’t talking alot of times, we are listening.


But words are also the means by which faith comes,it comes by hearing. Words can be a blessing to all people. Let the words you use be a blessing to people and a means of which you love your neighbor always. And if you haven’t,you should check out that song, Little Toy Guns. Thankyou for reading.

The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet tove the soul and healing to the bones.Proverbs 16:23-24

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Proverbs 17:27

The words of the mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream. Proverbs 18:4

Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips. Micah 7:5

And because of his words many more became believers. St. John 4:41

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you —they are full of the Spirit and life. St. John 6:63

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17

Money

I guess that’s true, if I had a truck load of money,I would get busy multiplying things, sofas ,houses, cars, king pools, and I would think I had it all. I definitely wouldn’t spend time Worshipping the Worthy One, I would spend lesser time on my Knees before God. I guess we still have so much more to learn from money.


Money is dangerous because it has such a power to deceive. It’s a good liar. Handling money is like handling a live wire that can electrocute you.

Living in the light. Money,Sex and Power. By John Piper

Few things lure us to exchange the glory of God more readily than money does. Liberty from the satisfaction of money’s presence comes from the superior satisfaction of God’s presence.

Living in the light. Money,Sex and Power. By John Piper

The place of women.

I was so ashamed of myself when during an argument,I failed to prove that women are not inferior to men, servants of men, below men (I don’t even know what that means,maybe it refers to rank) , and subjects only. I failed to biblically prove our standing even against the famous Genesis story.

But now that I look back, I don’t know why it mattered. If this is an equality game or war let’s take it to the Throne Room of Grace, before the Maker of all things and the Just Judge for Judgment.

🥀 and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood,and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father —to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen. Revelation 1:5-6

🥀 You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.” Revelation 5:10

🥀For the lips of a priest ought to preserve knowledge, because he is the messenger of the LORD Almighty and people seek instruction from his mouth. Malachi 2:7

I guess we women,who are also priests too according to Revelations right up there, sadly don’t preserve knowledge with our lips like Malachi says we ought to.

🥀 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

🥀 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body —whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 1 Corinthians 12:13

🌹But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3

So we are all baptized with one Spirit but then again women ought to remember that our head is man and not Christ, confusing.

🌹For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.1 Corinthians 11:8-9

🥀Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.
For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. 1 Corinthians 11: 11- 12

Now those two verses also puzzle me, I wanna see beyond and know there’s no contradiction but I don’t know how.

🥀But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. St. Luke 12:48

🌹Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.
If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. 1 Corinthians 14: 34- 35

So wait, women must be silent in Church, Are we also forbidden from telling pagan Men about Christ and the good news because they are men too? And wait, I thought we were nolonger sticking to the entire Old Law Paul, should we now also stone our sons to death after they disobey us because this is the old law, or isn’t it? So bad Paul ain’t here anymore, he left earth.

🥀I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing —if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.1 Timothy 2: 9 – 15

From a letter from Paul to Timothy which some of certainly do wish was never opened and read by us, being a private letter and not a letter to the Church 😂😂,but honestly, how much was said that we wouldn’t want people calling truth, ofcourse I don’t want to call a wise man like Paul ignorant and foolish and neither do I want to say the Scripture wasn’t Spirit inspired and God breathed. But there must a good reason why Scripture is not only Spirit breathed but also Spirit coded, only understood and learnt by the Spirit. Half of the Scripture above is so beautiful. But part of it complicated,the reasons given for why women ought to be silent are pathetic and when the man who said it’s better not to get married says women are saved through child bearing, he puzzles us. For me Christ definitely didn’t say we would be saved through child bearing, we are all saved through the Cross and all appointed disciples according to the Word, but then again I’m only a woman,one who hasn’t even made twenty yet.

🌹 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

🥀 Why should our father’s name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father’s relatives.” So Moses brought their case before the LORD,
and the LORD said to him,
“What Zelophehad’s daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father’s relatives and give their father’s inheritance to them.
“Say to the Israelites, ’If a man dies and leaves no son, give his inheritance to his daughter.Numbers 27:4-8.

🥀This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan.
No inheritance in Israel is to pass from one tribe to another, for every Israelite shall keep the tribal inheritance of their ancestors.Every daughter who inherits land in any Israelite tribe must marry someone in her father’s tribal clan, so that every Israelite will possess the inheritance of their ancestors.
No inheritance may pass from one tribe to another, for each Israelite tribe is to keep the land it inherits.” Numbers 36:6-9

Let us also give credit to the only noble female leaders in the history of Israel. A little math first, the ratio of female leaders to the males is one to a hundred.

Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time.
She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. Judges 4:4-5

That lady up there may not have been a warrior, but she was a judge and yes, she led men into war.

🥀Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women followed her, with timbrels and dancing.
Miriam sang to them: “Sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. Both horse and driver he has hurled into the sea.”Exodus 15:20-21

Miriam led women in song and praise, I think men and some women would gladly use this verse when advising women to only teach other women but they don’t.

Numbers 12:1 Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite.
Numbers 12:2 “Has the LORD spoken only through Moses?” they asked. “Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” And the LORD heard this.
Numbers 12:4 At once the LORD said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, “Come out to the tent of meeting, all three of you.” So the three of them went out.
Numbers 12:10 When the cloud lifted from above the tent, Miriam’s skin was leprous —it became as white as snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had a defiling skin disease,
Numbers 12:15 So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.

🥀 I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam. Micah 6:4

But yes, she got her honour as a leader too, even after the shaming punishment from her Heavenly Father.

That’s pretty much the only ladies I could think of.

I’m not trying to imply anything by all this blubbering actually, maybe the real folly of mine is me trying to claim that people should decide for themselves whether women should be silent or not. But again,I’m just a woman.

“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?”
They came out of the town and made their way toward him. St. John 4:29 – 30.


I guess that woman should never have preached to men or is what happened looked at differently.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3;16

I’m not exactly the woman who wants to be silent in Church. I want to be a teacher and yes, I hope to one time stand in Church and preach. But then again I don’t want to be a preacher probably because it feels like too much work and I’m not a leadership person. I like to think women shouldn’t be Church heads only because I don’t want to be One which is pretty much me following my feelings. But my feelings do tell me it’s okay to stand and preach in Church so if anyone thinks this is a demonic Passion and Desire and it’s just me being disobedient and Rebellious, I’m welcome to suggestions. But at the end of it all ,I will do what God wants me to do, not men,that’s the truth.

I’m ready to learn in silence because for me my greatest honor will always be being an elect and Chosen one of God. Being a daughter of the most High God. I ask to be certain because I want to know, where does the Voice of men end and the voice of God begin? What’s my place and role in the Church, the Bride of Christ of which I’m a part?


If anyone has answers to all these questions, you can help me out or share a link. I want to know what you think too or atleast whether I’m misinterpreting Scripture!

THERE ARE NO WASTED FIGHTS.

When it’s the lord who fights for you, you are always ready for any battle .


Advocate!the rights of women,
Ought to be protected.
A widow can’t lose her life. And dignity and be denied of her life’s labour , she has rights too and deserves respect.



Those hungry children on the sidewalks,
Heaven knows they deserve better,
Fight harder for them .

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You wanna help the sick,
Be there for them ,
Love passionately,
Stick around and bless,
When no one is willing.


Cry for courage,
For women to know their worth,
Maybe there would be lesser pain,
If they didn’t sell themselves cheaply.

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But what if nothing changes,
What if the pain goes on,
What if death leaves you hopeless,

Then my advise is ,


That you remember this world Has a Master, He sees all, He is just, He has a plan.
And most importantly ,
He is in control.

It may be true, that our kindness can go to waste, But if your fight is of faith and the Glory of God, The Sustainer of the Universe Won’t let it go to waste ever, And he is a Rewarder too.

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“So I will come to put you on trial. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive the foreigners among you of justice, but do not fear me,” says the LORD Almighty. Malachi 3:5

Angels

Courtesy of p-interest. (I guess I should add,we Christians definitely don’t think they are mythical creatures.)

Humans will see worthlessness, But the eternal beings will only see the glory of God. They will see the Ones for whom the greatest price was paid, they will see kings and queens.

The Servants of the Uncreated One will gladly serve at our feet. They will see beauty and honour beyond what we can see. They see the image of God and they are amazed and awed.

The Allies of the Lord of the Universe will likewise see glory, great potential. And they will hate man for that, their jealousy will rise. After they fell ,they became worthless, and man falls and God pays the greatest price in the Galaxy to have Him back. They will want to steal and destroy you for that.


I think the pathetic view of angels looking at us and getting irritated , disappointed and mad is a lie because they are eternal beings, though they might not possibly see everything God sees, they will always see things differently. But again,this is just my opinion, we can’t look at all beings in our perspective as though they were men, God definitely isn’t, He is above Everything, even man.

Daddy Issues.😇

Now there’s that thing called dad issues. My dad was never there,my dad abandoned me, my dad never really loved me. There’s nothing like a law punishment because your dad never loved you, it’s always because he maybe neglected buying you food, providing a home. And I doubt these issues ever go to court. I guess that’s why my dad threatened to bring me to a village school, government didn’t dictate that I had to go to some of the best schools in the country, my dad did that because he loves me.

I’m in a nuclear family, if my dad has a second wife, I have never ever heard of her, if he’s ever cheated, I have never known. My parents are wedded in Church, and they stay together, if they have ever even considered divorce, I have never heard of it, that’s why it so odd that I would even have daddy Issues.

Most of my friends have dealt with those issues, one of my friends didn’t even know who her real dad was until recently when she had made eighteen and was joining University, and another’s dad, denied she was his daughter when she was born,for another he has a different wife and family and never even contributes to her school fees nor does he seem to care, two of them are in that situation. For another still , her dad has two wives but she has assured me she loves him and he does his due, pays her tuition and she’s okay with that, she clearly has no daddy Issues and I can’t say otherwise because that’s what we Ugandans are taught, to appreciate that we are given meals, invested in alot more than we deserve with the tuition, stay out of parental drama like divorce , in short no daddy Issues as long as your dad already gives you so much, not many people get that.

My last example, my friend’s story is the reason it’s pathetic, childish, ungrateful of me and quite unacceptable that I would have daddy Issues. See, I love my dad, but we are so different now, there’s alot of mean stuff I have done that he’s having a hard time forgiving me for like when I foolishly told him he wasn’t giving us all we deserved when clearly he was doing everything he can and giving us so much, that was so naive and ungrateful of me only because I wanted something my dad could honestly not afford. Then the time I frankly told him worshipping the famous Roman Catholic idol, Mother Mary was wrong and I was leaving the Roman Catholic Church. And many other things in between that I probably don’t remember. Then the crown jewel, my refusal to kneel down while greeting because I hate it and it’s pathetic that in my tribe, men don’t do it. And then conversation just kinda completely stopped except for when my dad sits us down in a family meeting where he advises us, points out my mistakes , falsely accuses me abit which now that I look back at is manipulation to speak that never actually works, he thinks he is telling the truth , but he doesn’t know so much about me these days so he is left to assume while I keep the African tradition of silence while elders speak and impatiently wait to leave.

Point is, it’s true, the people we love the most, hurt us the most. And like Jentezen Franklin says in his novel, we need to love like we have never been hurt but that’s hard. I have hurt my dad, he has hurt me. And I’m afraid of talking to him because I fear he will misunderstand me and hurt me even more, I don’t know how to love like I have never been hurt. And I bet if my dad read this he would even be hurt more because he has done so so much for me , given so so much and loved me so much. But I guess that’s the sad thing about men, if we were dogs atleast ,we would be content to sit at our master’s feet , but God created us and we do nothing but reject the one who has given everything, We reject God,our Sustainer . Why then are people so shocked when others do it to them too ?

I’m the first born of four kids. EMILLY, ERATO, ELLEN AND ELIJAH. I have chosen our E names because they match, but we have three names and this is how our last names go, SUZAN, BRIDGET, BENARDETE, BENARD. My name kinda doesn’t rhyme. Back to the point, being first born, I’m not always the closest to my mum. My mum has to be loyal to us all yet never equally at any one time, I bet after my sister was born,my mum’s focus was less on me and more on her, I could only win approval from my mum by working hard, mopping, sweeping, washing, cooking, taking care of my sister etc , through those I kept her love maybe. But for my dad, it was always different,he was never the one breastfeeding so he had more luck in trying to love us all equally. He watched cartoons with us, left football just to watch sillier stuff, because we had begged, I remember watching “Mulan” with him which none of my siblings remember. I was so proud to be his child. I told him all about my school, teachers , friends etc, everything I guess and I loved it when he introduced us to his friends, always me first, well until my adorable brother was born and then it became his Son first though I don’t think I have been so jealous of that. I can’t ride a bicycle because though my dad tried to teach me, he didn’t have alot of time to waste on that, he is a busy man. But now that I’m old enough, I’m nolonger protected from anger, bitterness, yelling, I have to deal with it on my own, which is also one of the things that changes.

Things change as time goes by. Now that I’m soon making twenty, my dad doesn’t expect to spend quality time with me by watching silly cartoons and laughing about those. He expects me to be grown up. Yet, I don’t think he should spend time knowing about the Course I’m doing, Law, which I think was his dream course , a dream that never came to pass, just so we can still have something to talk about, I prefer that that’s left to my peers . But honestly, now that there are consequences for my words, that if I happen to mention missing a lecture at campus because I overslept, the conversation will turn sour with advice and judgment, which wouldn’t happen when I was a kid, I have had sour conversations in high school before , I rather prefer not to talk about my school with my Father. Which means the stuff we might talk about are the silly cartoons because I don’t watch news and even if I did, I wouldn’t be interested in politics. Our religions are different,so is work, or studies for me, so are our friends, I hardly know the people in my area, we never spend time together because my dad is always busy and I’m always watching tv, so why does the fact that we never talk even matter. I guess I’m the most troublesome kid my dad has, the one who isn’t content with just listening to his advise like all the others. But whenever my dad is calling me the worst of his kids in family meetings, I’m alarmed, I feel as though he knows nothing about his other kids.

Point is, family is the place where the people who love you the most and the people you love the most are. And you would think it would be easy to forgive the person you love the most , to offer love to the person you love most but that’s the person we actually forgive last because we are hurt more I guess. Family are the people who kinda will never leave you mostly because they are stuck with you, I guess that’s why it hurts most when they leave. But family is the place where you will be hurt the most and have the deepest wounds. That’s why family is the place where you can learn how to love people, how to forgive 77 times 7 times because it’s the one and only place you might have to forgive that many times, the place where you can learn patience, kindness, humility . The place where you learn to love impossible people and learn to love like you have never been hurt. I wonder whether our family in Christ serves a similar purpose !

WOMEN EMANCIPATION.

I am a woman, I got to write about this in a way . I got into a fight with a few friends over the equality between men and women issue. First of all, that was uncalled for. Two, I hated how one of them didn’t listen to me at all but then I figured I didn’t listen to him either. You know, even if men really did have a special position over us ,would it matter. I understand why this guy thinks they do, I mean it’s his thing, he forms absolutes in his mind like the claim that blacks are servants of whites and the whites are superior, he believes that. I think I wouldn’t believe that even if I wasn’t Christian.

But I would agree with him that husbands ought to have Authority over their wives in a marriage covenant because without that order can’t be kept in the household , but if that Authority means I can’t be a judge because my husband happens to be an advocate ,a lawyer working with some company, then I can never get married ,I can’t have my dreams shattered or my hopes lost. I can’t lose the desire to keep going even when it’s just vanity. I can’t lose my opportunity to work.

Point is this equality drama is silly because we are all in the same boat. Each has battles to fight, each has moments of strength and moments of weakness, happy days and hopeless days. Each can cry tears of much sorrow. Men and women both fight to guard their hearts when they know the importance of that. Who can deny this?

Both can die tomorrow, end up hopelessly on their deathbed or sick in hospital unable to do anything about their pain, each knows quite well how to hide their tears, how to be so proud ,so full of themselves. Each know how to be so immature and never grow up. Women can serve you for quite selfish reasons which is for me still immature . Each knows how to do the needful sometimes and be reckless and so selfish other times. Both have a fighting spirit, they will fight for their children’s education, turns out most fights are not about physical strength, they don’t happen that way.

Each can feel pain. Both desire love, and respect. Though men actually sometimes tend to think only they can have respect, but that’s a prejudice of mine. I don’t claim equality. I don’t condone superiority. I’m just of the notion than we are in the same fight, and should complement each other’s great qualities quite often instead of trying to prove who is better. It’s after all true that we are uniquely different in some ways.

But I don’t let go of women emancipation, just like many don’t make politics none of your business. Waking up and finding I have lost my freedom completely is a threat I keep in mind. We have fought so hard just for the opportunity to be heard, to be noticed not just as beautiful but as brilliant and creative, we have come so far to lose that.

People are selfish and alot of times, they don’t notice other people, ever. But when this happens to you because you happen to be a female or because you happen to be black, it hurts alot more than if it did because you haven’t gone to school and I cannot understand why?

But what if there is another side to the story, what if the black American men who complain so much of discrimination due to colour commonly discriminate between the rich and the poor using the same tool, looks ,I know they could say this is different but have you thought that maybe one’s poverty is quite as undeserved as your dark skin? Anyway, what if we found out that women emancipation is just a pitiful cycle we had trapped ourselves into ? But just for a moment,what matters is that women are sometimes prejudiced against basing on gender and there is no term for that like there’s one for racism. But I’m still left to wonder,are men also discriminated sometimes basing on gender but even as I ask this, I’m not so curious about the LGBT movement. Men and women will continue to face discrimination in various ways , that term is here to stay, and it’s truly only when the discrimination is faced by a large group that we try to find a way out. But you will face it even on your own. Christians are most certainly discriminated against alot.

Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? James 2:2-4

PROUD AND ARROGANT.

Me receiving an award for best mathematician of the year in P.7, gone are the days.

When you say the word proud, it’s not always the issue that arrogant would follow. In a way, pride is thinking yourself better than others, superior to others, more worthy than others. Most shockingly as I have been told, pride is also thinking yourself lesser than others, always acting as though they are better than you, yet we never think of that.

I have been a proud fool before. I didn’t need wealth, to have rich parents, to be the most beautiful lady around or have the most beautiful shoes in school to be proud and arrogant. That’s the madness of pride, everybody can fall prey. But as always , I needed something, I was the kind of proud fool who thought myself better than others. I was among the best three in class in primary school but when it came to high school, I wasn’t always among the very best in class so I took to another trade, reading novels. In form one, being among the best was slightly easier, I was so proud when I got 100% in biology, but that was just a simple test actually. In form two ,I took pride in how I understood, and analysed poetry faster than most of my classmates, I would finish while almost the entire class cried we do not understand. And in form three it was the novels, many classmates read novels , detective stories ,vampire tales ,horrors like my favorite, One last Scream. So I had to be exceptional, so I sort of in a way read the novels others thought boring. Like Poor man , Rich Man , don’t mistake that for the business book Poor dad,Rich dad. I read When you fall in love by Mark J. Kiwummula , Every Young man’s battle and so on. Actually these books were at first just fun until friends started to say they had failed to read that one. It just felt so amazing that I had read it. One time my favorite teacher actually caught me reading a novel in class. Oh but I never read novels written by Africans except for strictly class purposes. No offence to African authors afterall my favorite novel was written by an African. But I found The Concubine by Chinua Achebe ( maybe) boring , so was The African Child by Camara Laye and I have actually never finished the African Child.

But reading was never the real reason for my pride. It just made a way for me to set myself apart in a special kind of way. Already my boyish ugly black shoes , huge uniform I was never going to reduce etc set me apart in a way, a way that made me feel like others were better than me. So books just evened things out. Problem with pride is you are selfishly thinking too much of yourself and noticing too much of yourself too. I loved ignoring people alot then, it was easy once I was so focused on my novel. Also I seemed to always think differently so it was sometimes so easy to isolate myself.

But I thought pride was a chapter closed in my life. So when I went to University, which was just recently, it seemed like all the madness was back. First of all, everybody around me always seemed to be talking of pride and arrogance, pointing fingers at this person then another and saying he is too proud, and he is so arrogant, or she is such a big show off. Chances are that if you notice someone is proud,you are kinda being proud too but that’s just in my imagination.

Back in that same world, afraid of being noticed , yet in a way wanting to be noticed. Realising I still can’t give answers in class due to the fear of being wrong. Ignoring people when it suited me and so on. I was trapped. It’s like once again I wasn’t seeking approval and attention from God alone but everybody around me. I hope I do get to win over this vice but it will be a life’s battle. For now I know that it’s not about pride, being proud and arrogant only matters to God because people matter to God, it matters that we notice our neighbors, pay attention to them and not just when it benefits us , be patient with them and never to reject people, not even due to the fear that they will reject us ? But all that only matters because people matter to God.

LORD, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them? They are like a breath; their days are like a fleeting shadow. Psalms 144:3-4.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? Psalms 8:3-4.

Primary seven in 2013, it was my birthday and I was making 12.